How can I sleep?
When I know how much the world suffers
When I know that there are so many other broken souls who drown their voices & dreams with the rivers of their tears
How can I sleep?
When I sprawl my fingers out onto my bed beside me and I feel the emptiness
How can I sleep?
When I think about who you could be making love to now…
Who are you lying to now?
It’s as if I can feel the pain of the world along with it’s beauty
How can I sleep?
When I’ve gotten almost everything I ever wanted yet I am still unhappy
I still will never forget those tears & cries
I didn’t know where they were coming from at first
It just seemed like noise
Until I realized I was the one crying
That night it felt like my soul died
I no longer pray for myself
I pray for you
I pray that you learn to forgive one day
I pray one day you can let go of all that hatred in your heart
What a heavy thing to carry it must be
I pray that one day you will find happiness
I pray that you will find that from within yourself
I pray for you my dear
My old beloved
It’s one of those days…
My illness has taken over me
I didn’t feel this way this morning
The sunrise was full of optimism, hope, and life
Tonight I am a corpse
I feel like I am swimming against the current
I’m so tired of this everyday struggle
I wear a smile the minute I leave my house
I am so used to pretending
Pretending like everything is fine
When in reality there is a war inside my mind
When am I ever going to win?
I find sanctuary nowhere
Not even in my home
Not even in the arms of loved ones
So numb…
So cold…
Why so dark?
I pray for my sanity
I pray for my mind
I pray for my soul
All i wish for is
Freedom
Love
Sanity
within these 4 walls
my anxiety drowns me
my head spins with thoughts of suicide
my depression drags me across the floor
I fear myself
the decisions i make
the people i let walk into my life
Destruction
Chaos
Heartbreak
Torture
Greed
Curse the sweet words on thy toungue
Suffering
In silence…
Insomniac
“You will never be happy…”
Is that a curse too?
I remember it like a tape playing on & on
How I hate you
Those eyes lie
People fool you
They misguide you
How were the intentions true?
I blamed you
Yet I am at fault for my downfall
Niavete
Its one in the morning
This soul is restless
Who do you trust?
The world pretends to care
But they dont
Satan says this rings true
What do I miss the most?
My Sanity
They say
“Its ok to feel darkness…”
Mine is darker than pitch black
She said
“Black cats bring bad luck…”
Theyve crossed my path
In a dream
I saw her beaten
I saw her thrown to the wolves
I never saw her so weak
It broke my heart
How can she be so cold & warm at the same time?
But arent we all
I don’t know a single pure soul
I wonder what its like to be normal
I wonder what its like to have integrity
To live with honesty
To walk with God
Its like Ive been running away my whole life
You have forsaken me
Looking at you just makes me melt
So much about you gives me butterflies
So near me to touch
I want to feel your sweet embrace
I want to feel you love me all over again
I love the warmth of your heart
Your kisses are unlike any other
The sweetest kisses I have ever tasted
The way you gently hold my face as our lips engage
So tender it is … as if you were an Angel
If I fall.. I only want it to be in your arms
So Bitter & Sweet
I can remember a beautiful sunny hot day as we sat at the table in your backyard
Sipping on Iced tea..laughing & talking about our boyfriends at that time
I felt like we were the only ones who understood how important love was to us
I thought we would grow old together
I imagined us sitting in our rocking chairs as little raisins…
Still laughing…sipping on iced teas on a summer day
You still appear in my dreams
I wonder how you are
I wonder how my life would be like if you were still in it
And I always admit to myself…how much I miss you
I miss confiding in you
I miss turning to you when the world seemed to go dark on me
I miss lying my head on your shoulder
You were the only one who knew my entire story
From beginning to end
You saw how I was suffering…
I thought you were my ride or die
Today I am still confused whether you still were or if it changed
I might never know but it doesn’t haunt me
I learned to let go & move forward
I just find it interesting
To think you are close enough to walk to & ring on your doorbell
I always imagine how it would go
If our eyes would meet in regret…if we would swallow our pride and embrace
I wonder if you ever reached out without me knowing
I simply miss having that one person..who just simply understood
The years went by
Their youthful faces began disappearing
The zest for life began to fade
The monotony of life got to them
They slept farther apart in bed
They became strangers in the same house
The twinkle in her eyes had vanished
There were no more flowers…no more celebrations
The dinners grew quiet
It was so evident in their faces….that everything was lost
That nothing could be repaired
The passion had died down into ashes
The house became empty
The lives they created became wrapped up in themselves
Their little ones had flown from their nest
Nothing was left but silence
However time had continued…
And a word was never spoken
They stayed together out of fear
Fear of being alone
Fear of breaking the hearts of their little ones
Death had dawned upon them one day
It came without warning
It came into the dark of the night
Their lives seemed to vanish in a blink of an eye
I witnessed all of it
I saw them dying in front of me
No one understood that she was a living corpse
She hated her life, she hated her husband, she hated her kids
Yet she fulfilled her role in society
He always wanted more in life
Yet she always seemed to hold him back
Drowning his dreams into her fears
She killed his aspirations
So he was never able to reach his destination
And that was their story
So I promised myself I would never commit to anyone for the rest of my life
Afraid I would become a part of the same story
Awakening of Ann 