Search

Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

Category

life

Suicide

Numb

Still can’t believe it

The man I thought I loved

The man I used to adore

The man I used to look up to

The man I used to respect

Pleaded for my death

The very man I let inside me

The man I worshipped

The man I cared for

So I pulled out the knife from the kitchen drawer

Proceeded to cut myself but I was hesitant

Then I slowly slid it across my wrist

I felt adrenaline at first

Then I felt the pain

Then I thought of my family

i immediately put the knife down

I didn’t bleed at first so i payed no attention

I happened to look down at my wrist later & I was in shock

Im thinking I certainly must wear long sleeves to the family dinner

I can’t let them see what I did to myself over a man

How can you say that to someone you claim you love

The minute i heard those words

It was over for me

Within a few hours I was already in the arms of another man

He’s called over a hundred times since

I understand people say things when they are angry

But that of all things?

i understand I made a silly mistake

My heart is so numb

I can’t even take anymore

Love Me

I feel alive again

I wish I could lay my head on you

And call you home

I’m at peace

When I feel your tender touch

Words can’t even express

The love I have for you

Numb…

How did I get to that point…

To be so numb

Just going through the motions

Killing myself softly inside

Oh how I wish I could go back in time

Praying to God to be forgiven

I wish I believed in God back then

I wish fear was instilled

I was never cold

I used to care

I’m fighting a war against myself

Just take me back

Back to the person I once was

The young smart girl full of hope

Full of innocence

Full of life

Bring that girl back to me

Please

Walk On By…

I glanced over

And I saw your face

My heart instantly dropped

I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face

A shock took over me

You looked so beautiful

Your hair fluttering in the wind

The fall leaves falling from the trees

Your cosmopolitan walk

I had to hide before you saw me

I couldn’t let you see me like this

Imperfect

But how I wish I could have walked in your direction

How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace

How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face

Ive searched for someone like you for so long

Would I ever meet someone like you again?

And then my mind wanders to a dark place

As I gaze out into the midnight sky

I pray to God our paths will cross again

When the time is right

 

Longing…

Its been so long

Yet I still think of you

Ive been digging in graveyards

Ive been searching all over

For You

I am a hopeless romantic

Yet I never let you see that side of me

I fear losing you forever

But I used to fear you the most

Only to realize now that you’re gone

You were the one I should have held close

I’m dying to see you again

Dying to touch you again

I’m dying to hold you

Dying for you to hold me

I’ve never longed for a man like this before

I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…

With a drink in hand

 

My Life

Words sizzled through my heart

The way a cigarette burns through flesh

What is life like?

When you pushed away everyone who was good in your life

Subconsciously sabotaging relationships for a mysterious underlying issue

When you pushed away your family to a breaking a point

When your friends don’t know what is going on

Because you’re too afraid to trust anyone

Because you’re too afraid they will judge you

In the end, that is what they all do anyways

When you lied your entire life

So no one believes you when you are actually telling the truth

Maybe it is time to stand on my own two feet again

And you realize all the games people played you with

When you realize you were simply just part of a cruel game

I’m going back in time right now

Trying to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went wrong

I guess there isn’t a single point

Some things just slowly happen before you realize

I don’t even know what goes on in my head anymore

The most fucked up thing about this

Is I know I created this world for myself

I don’t want to lose everything…

 

 

 

 

His Image

It is so interesting the way God orchestrates things. How he weaves people & events & situations into your life. Lessons, heartbreak, challenges, and love. His plan is vastly greater than ours, we tend to look at a small portion of the bigger picture. Focusing on the little problems in life never gets us anywhere. Sometimes what we think is a curse, is a blessing in disguise. How through hardships, you can understand & connect with others. Sometimes things are broken only to come back stronger. So when you think your life is falling apart….it could be necessary in order for you to grow. How would we ever change & become better people without challenges through life? How do we expect to appreciate the good things in life, if we have never experienced the bad?

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑