How can I sleep?
When I know how much the world suffers
When I know that there are so many other broken souls who drown their voices & dreams with the rivers of their tears
How can I sleep?
When I sprawl my fingers out onto my bed beside me and I feel the emptiness
How can I sleep?
When I think about who you could be making love to now…
Who are you lying to now?
It’s as if I can feel the pain of the world along with it’s beauty
How can I sleep?
When I’ve gotten almost everything I ever wanted yet I am still unhappy
I still will never forget those tears & cries
I didn’t know where they were coming from at first
It just seemed like noise
Until I realized I was the one crying
That night it felt like my soul died
I no longer pray for myself
I pray for you
I pray that you learn to forgive one day
I pray one day you can let go of all that hatred in your heart
What a heavy thing to carry it must be
I pray that one day you will find happiness
I pray that you will find that from within yourself
I pray for you my dear
My old beloved
Numb
Still can’t believe it
The man I thought I loved
The man I used to adore
The man I used to look up to
The man I used to respect
Pleaded for my death
The very man I let inside me
The man I worshipped
The man I cared for
So I pulled out the knife from the kitchen drawer
Proceeded to cut myself but I was hesitant
Then I slowly slid it across my wrist
I felt adrenaline at first
Then I felt the pain
Then I thought of my family
i immediately put the knife down
I didn’t bleed at first so i payed no attention
I happened to look down at my wrist later & I was in shock
Im thinking I certainly must wear long sleeves to the family dinner
I can’t let them see what I did to myself over a man
How can you say that to someone you claim you love
The minute i heard those words
It was over for me
Within a few hours I was already in the arms of another man
He’s called over a hundred times since
I understand people say things when they are angry
But that of all things?
i understand I made a silly mistake
My heart is so numb
I can’t even take anymore
It’s one of those days…
My illness has taken over me
I didn’t feel this way this morning
The sunrise was full of optimism, hope, and life
Tonight I am a corpse
I feel like I am swimming against the current
I’m so tired of this everyday struggle
I wear a smile the minute I leave my house
I am so used to pretending
Pretending like everything is fine
When in reality there is a war inside my mind
When am I ever going to win?
I find sanctuary nowhere
Not even in my home
Not even in the arms of loved ones
So numb…
So cold…
Why so dark?
Looking at you just makes me melt
So much about you gives me butterflies
So near me to touch
I want to feel your sweet embrace
I want to feel you love me all over again
I love the warmth of your heart
Your kisses are unlike any other
The sweetest kisses I have ever tasted
The way you gently hold my face as our lips engage
So tender it is … as if you were an Angel
If I fall.. I only want it to be in your arms
Words sizzled through my heart
The way a cigarette burns through flesh
What is life like?
When you pushed away everyone who was good in your life
Subconsciously sabotaging relationships for a mysterious underlying issue
When you pushed away your family to a breaking a point
When your friends don’t know what is going on
Because you’re too afraid to trust anyone
Because you’re too afraid they will judge you
In the end, that is what they all do anyways
When you lied your entire life
So no one believes you when you are actually telling the truth
Maybe it is time to stand on my own two feet again
And you realize all the games people played you with
When you realize you were simply just part of a cruel game
I’m going back in time right now
Trying to pinpoint the exact moment when everything went wrong
I guess there isn’t a single point
Some things just slowly happen before you realize
I don’t even know what goes on in my head anymore
The most fucked up thing about this
Is I know I created this world for myself
I don’t want to lose everything…
Awakening of Ann 