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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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love

Shadows

We met in your shadows
I wanted to see your light
I wanted you without all your flaws
I found him
I was wrong
I don’t want you at all
I never want to feel like this again
But I know I’m lying
Exactly 3 years later
That wish came true
How painful was it
To have you remembered
How terrible is it that I can’t forget you
How disgusting is it
That I still wish the best for you
How sick of me to wish you well
I must be my own sadist
Or am I really channeling my Inner Mother Teresa
You have marked me
I have marked you
We both lost
I never lose anymore
Fuck You
I just wanted to heal you

Beautiful

She was so beautiful I cried
My heart ached
The tear fell down my face
I longed to hold her
I yearned to grab her
To make her mine
To breathe her in
Take in her orgasmic essence
Get lost in her
I can feel her heart
It’s not just those beautiful curves
Or that sweet naughty smile
Or the way she bites her lip
It’s how clueless she is to how beautiful I find her
Its how much space she has in her heart
To love, nurture, and forgive all who have harmed her
To carry on with caution but no regrets
I love the way her hips sway underneath the moonlight
I love the way she gets lost in her head
I wonder what she thinks about
I know she’s of substance
God is she deep
If I dive
I know I’m gone forever
I’ll never come back for air
I love her so much I almost want to hurt her
I want to make her feel alive
I want to make her cry
I want to make her laugh
It’s like I woke up from this cloud I’ve been living in
Sometimes I just want to crawl in her
She can see through me
And it scares me
She has a way of capturing your heart in mysterious ways
She is so silent sometimes
Yet it’s so soothing
Will she run away if I get on my knees
She’s wild and roams free
I don’t want to tame her but I want her so bad
Butterflies
This uneasiness that I’ll never see her again
So I’ll just love her the way she wants me to love her
She’ll never be captured
She’ll never be owned
The butterfly dancing in the sky
Forever dancing
I’ve never seen a woman so wild
She’s beautiful
It hurts

Pussy

You’ve come from my womb
I have birthed you
I have nurtured you
I have loved you
From birth you will spend the rest of your life
Trying to reach my womb once again
You seek my comfort
Let your head rest on my humble bosom
You seek my nurturing
Let your pains wash away with the pleasure of my body
I have let you into my sanctuary
When you brought home food
I gave you a meal in return
When you bought a house
I gave you a loving home to return to
When you planted seeds
I gave you more life
I let you carry out your legacy for generations
He has plowed my soil
With all the love I have given & everything I have multiplied for you
You yet refuse to admit you fear me
You have built the world in your favor
You have shackled my spirituality…my nature
You have worked your whole life to own me and my beautiful sisters
You have marked me as your land, your territory
You have worked to conquer me..to control us
You can’t seem to embrace the power of my sexuality
Throughout the ages
You have sacrificed me
You have stoned me to death
You have burned me as a witch
You have divorced me
You have separated me from my children
Why do you shame thus which you desire so much?
You see me only as you want me to be
Yet I am so much more
I hear your muttered insults
Those directed towards my insatiable exotic sisters
Those directed to myself
Yet you dream of us
Yet you desire us
Yet you LUST for us
For you desire not just I…but all the beauties I have birthed
So let us be free…the way we have let you be free without stigma
You hate me and my daughters for we have refused to be your slaves
Why the electrified high-security razor-wire fence to contain a kitty-cat?
My dear, the strength of the drive determines the force required to suppress it.
My pussy makes the world go round
You simply can’t forget me

Black Caramel

I want to lose sight of my fingers as I comb through your hair
Lose all sense of time when I look into your eyes
To lose my ego as Im baptized in your gracious love
Oh Dear..My Sweet Dark Caramel
Bathe me in your honey over and over again
Mesmerized by your skin glistening under moonlight
Let us vanish in the depths of the woods
Howl like we own the night
You are the caramel to my macchiato
I have relinquished all my power
Just to love you

This Time

I no longer pray for myself
I pray for you
I pray that you learn to forgive one day
I pray one day you can let go of all that hatred in your heart
What a heavy thing to carry it must be
I pray that one day you will find happiness
I pray that you will find that from within yourself
I pray for you my dear
My old beloved

Curse

This world
People are cruel
People are mean
People are sick
They’re all sick in the head one way or another
Why would I ever want to bring children in this world?
Selfish people want families
They want what they want
Not knowing how much pain they’re causing…
Then they raise monsters…
That are just like them
Mirror Images
And as much as we try to stop it from happening…
The monster still lies in your reflection
You are them
You carry the sickness of humanity
Show me one good pure soul
And I’ll rest my case
Its not who you are when things are good
But who you are when things get bad

Knowing…

What is it that you would like to know?
My life…
Who I am?
Because you know so little of me
You want to know more than just my name
But do you really?
You ask me what people have done to me
And you insist…
Do we really have to have this conversation now?
I’ve been used against my will
He had a thrust inside me without my permission
Is that what you want to hear?
That I’ve been beaten down to the floor
Humiliated to the point where you feel that you feel lower than dirt
Manipulated into doing very bad things…
This is my life
But I don’t talk about it
I don’t cry for me…I cry for her…the soul of that young girl who died
I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining
Because Id rather have this misfortune than the ones others have
My childhood you say…
Imagine a bird in a cage…
You tricked me
You didn’t want to know all that did you?
Well now you do
And now you wish that you never asked.

12.11.17

He sat on the couch
A man I had never seen before
He said he couldn’t understand how a human being could have the capability to torture someone so terribly
I went back to the scene
I saw him being tortured by a screwdriver
Someone just constantly drilling holes in his body
I felt the pain
It was horrendous
We went back to the interview on the couch where he then proceeded to tell me that he could never forgive his torturer

Suicide

Numb

Still can’t believe it

The man I thought I loved

The man I used to adore

The man I used to look up to

The man I used to respect

Pleaded for my death

The very man I let inside me

The man I worshipped

The man I cared for

So I pulled out the knife from the kitchen drawer

Proceeded to cut myself but I was hesitant

Then I slowly slid it across my wrist

I felt adrenaline at first

Then I felt the pain

Then I thought of my family

i immediately put the knife down

I didn’t bleed at first so i payed no attention

I happened to look down at my wrist later & I was in shock

Im thinking I certainly must wear long sleeves to the family dinner

I can’t let them see what I did to myself over a man

How can you say that to someone you claim you love

The minute i heard those words

It was over for me

Within a few hours I was already in the arms of another man

He’s called over a hundred times since

I understand people say things when they are angry

But that of all things?

i understand I made a silly mistake

My heart is so numb

I can’t even take anymore

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