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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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love

Naked

There I lay uncovered for all to see

Baring my soul

Baring my body

As all the eyes peered down from above

With love

Without judgement

In this beautiful sacred space

Something I felt like was surgery of some spiritual nature

My eyes fluttered as fast as my heart was beating

As a knot grew in my throat

And even then I still blossomed

With my sweet nectar

I’ll never forget how we recognized the Divine

Gazing into the depths of eachother’s souls

Bottled Up

After all these years…

I still hate you

But in truth I hate myself for allowing you to do the things you did

There’s hate because your anger still lives inside me

Take your anger back

This is not my obligation to carry your pain

I wonder if I ever cross your mind

At this point I don’t care really

I could have hurt you so much more than I did

I had you in my hands and I could have ruined your life forever

But I am not you

I am not the monster that you are

Stop projecting your mirror image onto others

Be well dear for I have once made love to you

Anger

Didn’t scream
Didn’t fight
Didn’t yell
Didn’t destroy

Repressed
Suppressed
Stuffed down
Bottled Up

When Anger spoke

Anger Cried

And she said

“You kept me silent for so long”

“You never let me speak”

“You’ve neglected me for so long”

“You never let me be heard”

Wonder

I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…

Walking Away

He looks at her
And you walk away
You’re scared aren’t you?
You just can’t admit it
But everyone knows dear
It is so evident in your face
These walls you built
These walls these people built around your heart
It must hurt
To be way up high in that icy cold castle of yours
Hiding away all your jewels and treasures
What are they if they are just for you to marvel at
And the bridge collapses…
That bridge you were trying to get him to climb over
But you just gave up..
You gave up because you’re scared
I am too
I am just like you
I walk away
Because once I couldn’t
I’d rather walk away than to be torn apart
When walking away feels harder
When I can’t imagine walking away

Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

Silly Little Doll Faces

A painful existence
Brushing her hair
Fixing her Makeup
Home all alone
Home all day
A slave to her love

Bitch

Where the fuck are you?
Where have you been?
Bitch I’m waiting for you
Stop playing these silly games
Just meet me where I am
Why couldn’t you be the one?
I seriously thought it was you
And then you went ahead and crumbled my love for you in your hands
How could you do that to me?
I have no idea how to erase you from my memories
I still dream about you
You were my first real love
What a terrible experience that was
I have yet to fall in love like that again
Have you?
Have you not found someone to put up with all your bullshit yet?
I doubt it
At least not like I did
Do you still dream about me?
I bet you curse my name every day
There’s a barrier between us
You put that there
It wasn’t me baby
What do you have left to say?
I wonder if I’ll ever happen to come across you
I wonder how you’d look at me
Would you have eyes of repentance?
Would you even look at me?
Would you say “I know I fucked up.”
I drowned all my dreams with those bottles
Laying in my bed
Looking at the ceiling
It could have been so perfect
Oh sweet baby
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for you
This bitch

Shadows

We met in your shadows
I wanted to see your light
I wanted you without all your flaws
I found him
I was wrong
I don’t want you at all
I never want to feel like this again
But I know I’m lying
Exactly 3 years later
That wish came true
How painful was it
To have you remembered
How terrible is it that I can’t forget you
How disgusting is it
That I still wish the best for you
How sick of me to wish you well
I must be my own sadist
Or am I really channeling my Inner Mother Teresa
You have marked me
I have marked you
We both lost
I never lose anymore
Fuck You
I just wanted to heal you

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