I hid
I tried to fit myself into places I didnt belong
I starved myself, cut myself, tried to refigure & rearrange myself
I hid from places where I wanted to be
I hid from people I wanted in my life
All because
There was a little part of me
That felt like I wasn’t good enough to be there
That everyone is better than me
That Ill be rejected
Like how the people who were supposed to love me the most
Rejected me
I fell in love
With the devil himself
Disguised as an Angel
Everything you desire
Is what he will give you
He’ll make your dreams come true
He tells you
I love you
And as soon as you’ve truly fallen
And you’ve been tricked by the facade
He takes it all away from you
With a smirk on his face
The love you thought you had
Was never real
As if he took all your dreams
And burned them to ashes
In front of your very eyes
No one else will know
Because the whole world is tricked by the facade
And when he leaves
Your soul will be left in ashes too
For the world will think you’re crazy
But its because you know the Truth
There I lay uncovered for all to see
Baring my soul
Baring my body
As all the eyes peered down from above
With love
Without judgement
In this beautiful sacred space
Something I felt like was surgery of some spiritual nature
My eyes fluttered as fast as my heart was beating
As a knot grew in my throat
And even then I still blossomed
With my sweet nectar
I’ll never forget how we recognized the Divine
Gazing into the depths of eachother’s souls
After all these years…
I still hate you
But in truth I hate myself for allowing you to do the things you did
There’s hate because your anger still lives inside me
Take your anger back
This is not my obligation to carry your pain
I wonder if I ever cross your mind
At this point I don’t care really
I could have hurt you so much more than I did
I had you in my hands and I could have ruined your life forever
But I am not you
I am not the monster that you are
Stop projecting your mirror image onto others
Be well dear for I have once made love to you
Didn’t scream
Didn’t fight
Didn’t yell
Didn’t destroy
Repressed
Suppressed
Stuffed down
Bottled Up
When Anger spoke
Anger Cried
And she said
“You kept me silent for so long”
“You never let me speak”
“You’ve neglected me for so long”
“You never let me be heard”
I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…
He looks at her
And you walk away
You’re scared aren’t you?
You just can’t admit it
But everyone knows dear
It is so evident in your face
These walls you built
These walls these people built around your heart
It must hurt
To be way up high in that icy cold castle of yours
Hiding away all your jewels and treasures
What are they if they are just for you to marvel at
And the bridge collapses…
That bridge you were trying to get him to climb over
But you just gave up..
You gave up because you’re scared
I am too
I am just like you
I walk away
Because once I couldn’t
I’d rather walk away than to be torn apart
When walking away feels harder
When I can’t imagine walking away
They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world
….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck
A painful existence
Brushing her hair
Fixing her Makeup
Home all alone
Home all day
A slave to her love
Awakening of Ann 