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Awakening of Ann

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Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

Her Smile

I can see the sadness in your smile
He said
I can see it in your eyes
I knew from the first time I saw you again that something was missing
Something is Missing
Is it my love
Am I missing my love?
I bathe myself in sweet solitude
I prefer to be alone
Unbothered
Yet my heart yearns for more
More than just a connection
More than just another lover’s sweet lips
More than just another lustful encounter on a sweet summer night
The seasons are changing my dear
I’m waiting
To wake up in a different life
To wake up in a different person
To wake up in a different perspective
Shake me my dear
Shake me for I am sleeping in life
It’s all a dream
Bring me back to reality
For I have lost my sight
I have lost my vision for so much more
Yet You have so much more to go
He said
And she turned away
Let me dive into your world
Because I’d like to forget mine…

She looks in the mirror
Where is this sadness this man speaks of?

Darling….remember
This life is what you make of it

It is not what the world can give you
But what you can give to the world

Bitch

Where the fuck are you?
Where have you been?
Bitch I’m waiting for you
Stop playing these silly games
Just meet me where I am
Why couldn’t you be the one?
I seriously thought it was you
And then you went ahead and crumbled my love for you in your hands
How could you do that to me?
I have no idea how to erase you from my memories
I still dream about you
You were my first real love
What a terrible experience that was
I have yet to fall in love like that again
Have you?
Have you not found someone to put up with all your bullshit yet?
I doubt it
At least not like I did
Do you still dream about me?
I bet you curse my name every day
There’s a barrier between us
You put that there
It wasn’t me baby
What do you have left to say?
I wonder if I’ll ever happen to come across you
I wonder how you’d look at me
Would you have eyes of repentance?
Would you even look at me?
Would you say “I know I fucked up.”
I drowned all my dreams with those bottles
Laying in my bed
Looking at the ceiling
It could have been so perfect
Oh sweet baby
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for you
This bitch

Pussy

You’ve come from my womb
I have birthed you
I have nurtured you
I have loved you
From birth you will spend the rest of your life
Trying to reach my womb once again
You seek my comfort
Let your head rest on my humble bosom
You seek my nurturing
Let your pains wash away with the pleasure of my body
I have let you into my sanctuary
When you brought home food
I gave you a meal in return
When you bought a house
I gave you a loving home to return to
When you planted seeds
I gave you more life
I let you carry out your legacy for generations
He has plowed my soil
With all the love I have given & everything I have multiplied for you
You yet refuse to admit you fear me
You have built the world in your favor
You have shackled my spirituality…my nature
You have worked your whole life to own me and my beautiful sisters
You have marked me as your land, your territory
You have worked to conquer me..to control us
You can’t seem to embrace the power of my sexuality
Throughout the ages
You have sacrificed me
You have stoned me to death
You have burned me as a witch
You have divorced me
You have separated me from my children
Why do you shame thus which you desire so much?
You see me only as you want me to be
Yet I am so much more
I hear your muttered insults
Those directed towards my insatiable exotic sisters
Those directed to myself
Yet you dream of us
Yet you desire us
Yet you LUST for us
For you desire not just I…but all the beauties I have birthed
So let us be free…the way we have let you be free without stigma
You hate me and my daughters for we have refused to be your slaves
Why the electrified high-security razor-wire fence to contain a kitty-cat?
My dear, the strength of the drive determines the force required to suppress it.
My pussy makes the world go round
You simply can’t forget me

Woman

I’m not your slave…
Yet there are moments when I want to be
I’m not your whore…
Yet there are moments when I want you to treat me as such
I’m not your sanctuary
Though I wish all I could offer you is peace
She struggles with her identity as a woman
I hate that I want you…
And now my dear…
I need you for reasons people can’t quite grasp
I write
When the hearts cries & when it sings in joy
Baby you got the world…
But at what price?
I want to get down on my knees
I want to serve you
How could I betray myself like that?
To let a man conquer me
To love you so much
I blessed you with my darkest abyss
I let you plant seeds
For I am mother…
One with the earth
We reap what we sow

Restless Nights

How can I sleep?
When I know how much the world suffers
When I know that there are so many other broken souls who drown their voices & dreams with the rivers of their tears
How can I sleep?
When I sprawl my fingers out onto my bed beside me and I feel the emptiness
How can I sleep?
When I think about who you could be making love to now…
Who are you lying to now?
It’s as if I can feel the pain of the world along with it’s beauty
How can I sleep?
When I’ve gotten almost everything I ever wanted yet I am still unhappy
I still will never forget those tears & cries
I didn’t know where they were coming from at first
It just seemed like noise
Until I realized I was the one crying
That night it felt like my soul died

Knowing…

What is it that you would like to know?
My life…
Who I am?
Because you know so little of me
You want to know more than just my name
But do you really?
You ask me what people have done to me
And you insist…
Do we really have to have this conversation now?
I’ve been used against my will
He had a thrust inside me without my permission
Is that what you want to hear?
That I’ve been beaten down to the floor
Humiliated to the point where you feel that you feel lower than dirt
Manipulated into doing very bad things…
This is my life
But I don’t talk about it
I don’t cry for me…I cry for her…the soul of that young girl who died
I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining
Because Id rather have this misfortune than the ones others have
My childhood you say…
Imagine a bird in a cage…
You tricked me
You didn’t want to know all that did you?
Well now you do
And now you wish that you never asked.

Human

Being human is beautiful…
The intensity of our emotions
The way we feel love
lust
heartbreak
pain
The ability to feel is beautiful
Compassion
To feel for another
We are comical creatures
The fact that we can feel so alone in a crowded city
Thinking that no one will understand us
Insanity
How we keep doing the same things over and over again
Expecting a different result
How we are afraid of the dark
Even though there is dark within us
How we are afraid of the unknown
Yet we don’t know ourselves

12.11.17

He sat on the couch
A man I had never seen before
He said he couldn’t understand how a human being could have the capability to torture someone so terribly
I went back to the scene
I saw him being tortured by a screwdriver
Someone just constantly drilling holes in his body
I felt the pain
It was horrendous
We went back to the interview on the couch where he then proceeded to tell me that he could never forgive his torturer

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