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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

Void

Oh how I wish you were real
The way you look at me
Sends shivers down my spine
Yet deep down I know
There is no depth to those seemingly loving eyes
You paint my dreams
As if you could read my mind
And oh how you paint them so vividly
As if I could almost taste them
As if I could almost hold them
Yet I know this is all part of your trickery
All these games you play to fill a void
Because nothing is ever enough
No love can make you feel complete
No love in this world could make you feel whole
Even If I loved you unconditionally which I try hard to do
At what point do I become this empty black hole like you?
At what point do I become the reflection of your void?
Empty and Hollow
Yet we all have our coping mechanisms don’t we?
For some it’s the bottles..
Other its the pills…
Yet for a few it’s lover after lover after lover
I remember when I chose to not be like you
I knew I should care because it was the right thing to do
As painful as it turned out to be
And I cry
For I who claim myself a healer…
Is lost in healing you…

You have lost the very beauty of being alive
For if you cut out all your pain and suffering
You will never experience the gift of happiness

Shadows

I danced in the shower
candlelights on
i turned around to see my shadow
And there she was
Three times my size
Bigger
Taller
Wider
Her hips amplified
She frightened me
Yet I thought of Maya
I thought of illusion
How much brighter do we shine in the darkness
That glimmer of hope
Flickering like wild
Yet burning nonetheless
Burn baby Burn
Don’t let anyone put out your fire

Wonder

I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…

Walking Away

He looks at her
And you walk away
You’re scared aren’t you?
You just can’t admit it
But everyone knows dear
It is so evident in your face
These walls you built
These walls these people built around your heart
It must hurt
To be way up high in that icy cold castle of yours
Hiding away all your jewels and treasures
What are they if they are just for you to marvel at
And the bridge collapses…
That bridge you were trying to get him to climb over
But you just gave up..
You gave up because you’re scared
I am too
I am just like you
I walk away
Because once I couldn’t
I’d rather walk away than to be torn apart
When walking away feels harder
When I can’t imagine walking away

Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

Her Smile

I can see the sadness in your smile
He said
I can see it in your eyes
I knew from the first time I saw you again that something was missing
Something is Missing
Is it my love
Am I missing my love?
I bathe myself in sweet solitude
I prefer to be alone
Unbothered
Yet my heart yearns for more
More than just a connection
More than just another lover’s sweet lips
More than just another lustful encounter on a sweet summer night
The seasons are changing my dear
I’m waiting
To wake up in a different life
To wake up in a different person
To wake up in a different perspective
Shake me my dear
Shake me for I am sleeping in life
It’s all a dream
Bring me back to reality
For I have lost my sight
I have lost my vision for so much more
Yet You have so much more to go
He said
And she turned away
Let me dive into your world
Because I’d like to forget mine…

She looks in the mirror
Where is this sadness this man speaks of?

Darling….remember
This life is what you make of it

It is not what the world can give you
But what you can give to the world

Zinfandel

Quilted Blanket on a wooden floor
Red Zinfandel Turley
An Intellectual Mind
Savoring for Physical Satisfaction
A Desire I simply can not explain
Keys on the Piano
Thrust of Passion
Glances of absolute hunger
Beauty of the human state
How do we explain that…
Life is longing for itself
We want to connect with one another
How do we that on a level that we are afraid of?
I want to know you
Not just the smell of chanel
Or those fancy words you learned at Harvard
I want to feel your soul
Let me return to my erotic exotic goddess self
Teach me your ways
Teach me how to love you
And your brothers
Because as much as we want to fight you
I see myself in you
You are my other half

Silly Little Doll Faces

A painful existence
Brushing her hair
Fixing her Makeup
Home all alone
Home all day
A slave to her love

Home

The man go on holiday
I am home
He always comes back
But actually I am the holiday
I am no man’s home
And it shall remain that way

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