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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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Love Me

I feel alive again

I wish I could lay my head on you

And call you home

I’m at peace

When I feel your tender touch

Words can’t even express

The love I have for you

Numb…

How did I get to that point…

To be so numb

Just going through the motions

Killing myself softly inside

Oh how I wish I could go back in time

Praying to God to be forgiven

I wish I believed in God back then

I wish fear was instilled

I was never cold

I used to care

I’m fighting a war against myself

Just take me back

Back to the person I once was

The young smart girl full of hope

Full of innocence

Full of life

Bring that girl back to me

Please

Walk On By…

I glanced over

And I saw your face

My heart instantly dropped

I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face

A shock took over me

You looked so beautiful

Your hair fluttering in the wind

The fall leaves falling from the trees

Your cosmopolitan walk

I had to hide before you saw me

I couldn’t let you see me like this

Imperfect

But how I wish I could have walked in your direction

How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace

How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face

Ive searched for someone like you for so long

Would I ever meet someone like you again?

And then my mind wanders to a dark place

As I gaze out into the midnight sky

I pray to God our paths will cross again

When the time is right

 

Longing…

Its been so long

Yet I still think of you

Ive been digging in graveyards

Ive been searching all over

For You

I am a hopeless romantic

Yet I never let you see that side of me

I fear losing you forever

But I used to fear you the most

Only to realize now that you’re gone

You were the one I should have held close

I’m dying to see you again

Dying to touch you again

I’m dying to hold you

Dying for you to hold me

I’ve never longed for a man like this before

I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…

With a drink in hand

 

Goodbye…

I remember the last time I had to be this strong…

Strong enough to cut someone out my life

Someone I fell so deeply in love

Yet again I was blinded by love

I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore

I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul

I won’t put up with being hurt physically

I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be

It all starts with not looking back

I will never trust someone again like I once did

There are things I will never share…

I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘

I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family

And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down

I know I’ve had my part in this as well

At least I had a glimpse of what love can be

Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws

I had dreams..dreams of bearing children

Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms

I had dreams of building an empire with you

Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart

To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you

To point where I constantly lived on edge

Feeling so vulnerable…so violated

I can’t let anyone touch me anymore

I don’t want anyone near me anymore

I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction

I live in fear

I live in anxiety

Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long

I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors

I walked away because I constantly feared you

How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved

And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well

I wish you happiness, success, and so much more

 

 

 

 

 

A Gambler

pexels-photo-168417

I’ve rolled the dice more than once

I kept playing no matter how many times I lost

I gambled for love

Fate rolled me a broken heart

The taste is so bitter

So sweet

What a price we pay for love

It all starts out so beautiful

Yet ends so horribly at times

For once I am tired of gambling

Tired of rolling the dice

Tired of disappointment

Tired of talking

These gambling days are over

 

 

 

Love

What an interesting concept?

How two creatures could feel such a longing for one another

To feel the warmth of another’s body

To gaze into the depths of another’s soul

Whispering sweet nothings

Immersing oneself into the sweetest pleasures on Earth

Conquering her Heart

Entering her sacred temple

Their minds go blank

Collapsing & gasping for air

Trying to hold on to this feeling forever

Sweet Embraces

 

 

 

Love Story

The years went by

Their youthful faces began disappearing

The zest for life began to fade

The monotony of life got to them

They slept farther apart in bed

They became strangers in the same house

The twinkle in her eyes had vanished

There were no more flowers…no more celebrations

The dinners grew quiet

It was so evident in their faces….that everything¬† was lost

That nothing could be repaired

The passion had died down into ashes

The house became empty

The lives they created became wrapped up in themselves

Their little ones had flown from their nest

Nothing was left but silence

However time had continued…

And a word was never spoken

They stayed together out of fear

Fear of being alone

Fear of breaking the hearts of their little ones

Death had dawned upon them one day

It came without warning

It came into the dark of the night

Their lives seemed to vanish in a blink of an eye

I witnessed all of it

I saw them dying in front of me

No one understood that she was a living corpse

She hated her life, she hated her husband, she hated her kids

Yet she fulfilled her role in society

He always wanted more in life

Yet she always seemed to hold him back

Drowning his dreams into her fears

She killed his aspirations

So he was never able to reach his destination

And that was their story

So I promised myself I would never commit to anyone for the rest of my life

Afraid I would become a part of the same story

 

 

 

His Image

It is so interesting the way God orchestrates things. How he weaves people & events & situations into your life. Lessons, heartbreak, challenges, and love. His plan is vastly greater than ours, we tend to look at a small portion of the bigger picture. Focusing on the little problems in life never gets us anywhere. Sometimes what we think is a curse, is a blessing in disguise. How through hardships, you can understand & connect with others. Sometimes things are broken only to come back stronger. So when you think your life is falling apart….it could be necessary in order for you to grow. How would we ever change & become better people without challenges through life? How do we expect to appreciate the good things in life, if we have never experienced the bad?

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