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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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Them…

Its the ones you love
Or the ones you once made love to
The people who say they care
The people who say they won’t judge
Its the people you trust
Or who you once trusted
The people who betray you
The people who insult you
The people who belittle you
Yet I
I still trust
I still love
I open my heart
I open my arms
Surrendering
To love
To hurt
To wisdom
When you come into my life
My heart is your land
Do with it as you shall
But remember
You reap what you sow
Even when you run my land barren
And desert me…
The rain eventually comes to bring me back to life
No matter what you do
I stay standing

Pussy

You’ve come from my womb
I have birthed you
I have nurtured you
I have loved you
From birth you will spend the rest of your life
Trying to reach my womb once again
You seek my comfort
Let your head rest on my humble bosom
You seek my nurturing
Let your pains wash away with the pleasure of my body
I have let you into my sanctuary
When you brought home food
I gave you a meal in return
When you bought a house
I gave you a loving home to return to
When you planted seeds
I gave you more life
I let you carry out your legacy for generations
He has plowed my soil
With all the love I have given & everything I have multiplied for you
You yet refuse to admit you fear me
You have built the world in your favor
You have shackled my spirituality…my nature
You have worked your whole life to own me and my beautiful sisters
You have marked me as your land, your territory
You have worked to conquer me..to control us
You can’t seem to embrace the power of my sexuality
Throughout the ages
You have sacrificed me
You have stoned me to death
You have burned me as a witch
You have divorced me
You have separated me from my children
Why do you shame thus which you desire so much?
You see me only as you want me to be
Yet I am so much more
I hear your muttered insults
Those directed towards my insatiable exotic sisters
Those directed to myself
Yet you dream of us
Yet you desire us
Yet you LUST for us
For you desire not just I…but all the beauties I have birthed
So let us be free…the way we have let you be free without stigma
You hate me and my daughters for we have refused to be your slaves
Why the electrified high-security razor-wire fence to contain a kitty-cat?
My dear, the strength of the drive determines the force required to suppress it.
My pussy makes the world go round
You simply can’t forget me

Sometimes…

We have those nights where we remember
A glass of wine in hand
As the tears roll down your face
I wish I could take all the pain away
I wish I could end your suffering..

Hate

I felt this way once before

But never to this extent

The soul feels empty & hollow

The heart is full of rage & resentment

Hatred

How awful it is to carry this in one’s heart

It’s a deadly poison that has robbed me of life

I don’t even recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror

Stranger

I can’t imagine having lived with this all my life…

 

 

 

Love Me

I feel alive again

I wish I could lay my head on you

And call you home

I’m at peace

When I feel your tender touch

Words can’t even express

The love I have for you

Numb…

How did I get to that point…

To be so numb

Just going through the motions

Killing myself softly inside

Oh how I wish I could go back in time

Praying to God to be forgiven

I wish I believed in God back then

I wish fear was instilled

I was never cold

I used to care

I’m fighting a war against myself

Just take me back

Back to the person I once was

The young smart girl full of hope

Full of innocence

Full of life

Bring that girl back to me

Please

Walk On By…

I glanced over

And I saw your face

My heart instantly dropped

I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face

A shock took over me

You looked so beautiful

Your hair fluttering in the wind

The fall leaves falling from the trees

Your cosmopolitan walk

I had to hide before you saw me

I couldn’t let you see me like this

Imperfect

But how I wish I could have walked in your direction

How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace

How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face

Ive searched for someone like you for so long

Would I ever meet someone like you again?

And then my mind wanders to a dark place

As I gaze out into the midnight sky

I pray to God our paths will cross again

When the time is right

 

Longing…

Its been so long

Yet I still think of you

Ive been digging in graveyards

Ive been searching all over

For You

I am a hopeless romantic

Yet I never let you see that side of me

I fear losing you forever

But I used to fear you the most

Only to realize now that you’re gone

You were the one I should have held close

I’m dying to see you again

Dying to touch you again

I’m dying to hold you

Dying for you to hold me

I’ve never longed for a man like this before

I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…

With a drink in hand

 

Goodbye…

I remember the last time I had to be this strong…

Strong enough to cut someone out my life

Someone I fell so deeply in love

Yet again I was blinded by love

I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore

I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul

I won’t put up with being hurt physically

I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be

It all starts with not looking back

I will never trust someone again like I once did

There are things I will never share…

I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘

I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family

And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down

I know I’ve had my part in this as well

At least I had a glimpse of what love can be

Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws

I had dreams..dreams of bearing children

Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms

I had dreams of building an empire with you

Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart

To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you

To point where I constantly lived on edge

Feeling so vulnerable…so violated

I can’t let anyone touch me anymore

I don’t want anyone near me anymore

I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction

I live in fear

I live in anxiety

Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long

I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors

I walked away because I constantly feared you

How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved

And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well

I wish you happiness, success, and so much more

 

 

 

 

 

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