I used to look at depressed people
With confusion
Not understanding why
How could someone be so depressed?
How could someone cry so much?
How could someone wallow in their pain for so long?
It is truly pathetic
But now I find myself on the other side
Drowning in my own salty tears
I have become someone I ridiculed
There is so much to be grateful for
So much had gone so right
Everything feels like it’s crashing
Like a plane high in the sky
heading full speed downwards
I just have no idea how I got here
I never saw this coming
I didn’t think I would be crashing like this again
I said goodbye to the sad lonely girl long ago
Embracing all the good things in life
Appreciating the most simple things in life
Yet the darkness seeped back into my soul
Capturing me with it’s deathly grip
Now I am dreaming I am satan himself
Wandering aimlessly through life
Hoping & Praying to God
I’ll stumble onto where I belong
Stumble onto my Purpose
Something I used to think I had all figured out
I was a brave one
Brave & Stubborn & Determined
Nothing was getting in my way
It was either my way or the highway
I overcame every obstacle
Anything I wanted…
I always went in & got it
I was confident & focused
I knew what I wanted
I knew where I was going
And no one was able to tear me down
Somewhere along the way
I fell
I fell so hard…again & again
To the point where I just laid on the ground
Defeated …curled up in a fetal position
Incapable of looking in the mirror
I became a shell of myself
The person I used to be
Not everyone is the angel they seem to be
And not everyone is the devil
I guess it’s time to swallow my pride
Not that there is any left…
What an interesting concept?
How two creatures could feel such a longing for one another
To feel the warmth of another’s body
To gaze into the depths of another’s soul
Whispering sweet nothings
Immersing oneself into the sweetest pleasures on Earth
Conquering her Heart
Entering her sacred temple
Their minds go blank
Collapsing & gasping for air
Trying to hold on to this feeling forever
Sweet Embraces
The years went by
Their youthful faces began disappearing
The zest for life began to fade
The monotony of life got to them
They slept farther apart in bed
They became strangers in the same house
The twinkle in her eyes had vanished
There were no more flowers…no more celebrations
The dinners grew quiet
It was so evident in their faces….that everything was lost
That nothing could be repaired
The passion had died down into ashes
The house became empty
The lives they created became wrapped up in themselves
Their little ones had flown from their nest
Nothing was left but silence
However time had continued…
And a word was never spoken
They stayed together out of fear
Fear of being alone
Fear of breaking the hearts of their little ones
Death had dawned upon them one day
It came without warning
It came into the dark of the night
Their lives seemed to vanish in a blink of an eye
I witnessed all of it
I saw them dying in front of me
No one understood that she was a living corpse
She hated her life, she hated her husband, she hated her kids
Yet she fulfilled her role in society
He always wanted more in life
Yet she always seemed to hold him back
Drowning his dreams into her fears
She killed his aspirations
So he was never able to reach his destination
And that was their story
So I promised myself I would never commit to anyone for the rest of my life
Afraid I would become a part of the same story
Loving can hurt…
But I feel not loving can hurt just as much…
To yearn for the light of deep passionate love…
Yet the sunshine never reaches…you only catch glimpses
It is the inability to be vulnerable that hurts…
To watch someone beautiful walk away…
Because you couldn’t open up your heart
But what if we did?
What if we dove so deep in love
Dove into the deepest depths of the heart & soul
Reaching that mesmerizing paradise that glimmers underwater
There we could stay for a while…
Make love all night long
Feel your sweet tender lips..
Feel your sweet gasps for air..
Feel your dainty fingers running down my legs..
i wish I felt it all….
All over again
❤
Don’t take my silence
As an insult
Don’t mistake my silence
As an attitude
Recognize my silence
As my Inability
To speak without crying
Afraid it’s too much for you to handle
Afraid to say the wrong thing
Afraid you wouldn’t understand
But in truth the saddest thing is to stay in silence
To never speak up
Never knowing if someone would have accepted you
Looking beyond your flaws
Please my dear
Do not stay in silence
I assure you
There is someone out there who understands
As unlikely as that seems
Trust me
Life goes on
That I know
Something that I believed in
But you creep into my thoughts
Trying to replace you
Erase you from my heart
Yet you linger
You come when I least expect it
As if I left the door open for you
If I could just kiss you one more time
I wonder what it would feel like
Would you give me those sparks again
Would you hold me tight
Not wanting to let go
I know I shouldn’t
Keep thinking what if
What if I let myself fall
Fall in love so madly & deeply beyond words
So deep I can’t find myself
Suffocating & drowning in your love
I wish I knew
I wish I didn’t run away
I don’t want to look back
I don’t want to live in the past
Yet you made me feel
I want to feel
I need you to rip my heart out
Just let it burn
Watch the flames engulf my soul, mind, & body
Trying to find you
Trying to find anyone like you
I’m willing to be blinded again
I’m willing to be broken
Just love me & run away with my heart
If only we could stop measuring women
By the size of her breasts, hips, or waist….
But by the goodness in her heart…
The Pure Essence of Her Soul…
& The Brilliance of Her Mind…
-C.A.T
The world is in dire need of healing
Do you think if we really knew who we were, that it would be part of a solution?
Our exterior is just a vessel in which our soul resides in…
We need to look beyond the surface…
Thoughts of a MakeupArtist….
Drowning in these sorrows
These memories I can’t forget
The events that jaded this once innocent young heart
As the music plays in the background…
Savoring the taste of it all
As if I’d never see it again
How did I know it to be true?
Trying to escape my reality
The thoughts that torment me daily
The reoccurring nightmares
Everything I’ve tried to hide
Brims right at the surface
Then shredded to nothing but shame
Let the music play on
I cry for all the lost souls
I cry for those who can’t be saved
I cry for those who can’t find peace
I cry for those who can’t find comfort
Afraid that people will see
The secrets hidden in the depths of your hurting soul
You are not alone
For I am here with a glass of wine
Ready to share my sorrows
Let me listen to your pain
Confide in me
For I am no one
No one to judge
Trust me
❤
Awakening of Ann 