narcissisticabuse

There is a wretched feeling in my heart
A feeling I will not give way to
I refuse to end up like them
I refuse to end up broken and alone
Or broken and being tied down in which I see no escape to
I refuse to indulge in these feelings of the heart
They are not rational
They don’t make any logical sense
So tell me why are you here?
You serve me no purpose than to cause me such anguish late at night
To keep me up
To keep my mind wandering around
When time could be used wisely
Instead of counting teardrops on this silk pillow of mine
Give me the strength to push through
Give me serenity
I will not let a fool come into my life and sweep me with sweet words
With empty promises and a future which truly bares to be just smoke and mirrors
Let me live
Let me live freely and by my own judgements
Let my heart be free
Come but do not stay
For if you stay
It shall make me sad
So leave darling
Leave…

-an old poem

It kills me to know

To know that you’re with her

To know that she has you

That you put a ring on her finger

And not mine

To know that you two share a bed

That you two share a home

That she wakes up to you every morning

And gets to look at your handsome face

And feel your love

Your warm embrace

Yet your love always flickers

She’s the one that shares a life with you

A life that I’ll never have with you

Because you’ll never leave…

Because shes just that easy

And shell stay no matter what

And here I am in my own bed

Alone

Left with the memories of you here

Of the love we shared

Of the lies you told me

And yet I can’t stop thinking of you

And I hate myself

For missing you so

Im yearning for you

And I fight myself everyday

To not reach out to you

Because theres a part of me that wants to hold on

Hold on dearly

Hold on tightly

To the love I thought you had for me

To the man I thought you were

The grand man you painted yourself to be

You’ve shattered my illusions

You’ve shattered my dreams

The one I had with you

I saw my whole life in your eyes

And it hurts

To know that I was never safe with you

Even though I thought I was

That you set your eyes on me

To break my heart

To feed your ego

To play with my mind

To open up old wounds

The ones I thought I healed

So here…

Lets raise a glass to my solitude

To finding love within myself

To finding safety in myself

To finding peace on my own

To move on in life without you

Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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It kills me to know