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Awakening of Ann

Welcome to my soul & mind

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love poem

I Hid

I hid

I tried to fit myself into places I didnt belong

I starved myself, cut myself, tried to refigure & rearrange myself 

I hid from places where I wanted to be

I hid from people I wanted in my life 

All because

There was a little part of me

That felt like I wasn’t good enough to be there

That everyone is better than me 

That Ill be rejected

Like how the people who were supposed to love me the most

Rejected me

Wonder

I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…

Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

Walk On By…

I glanced over

And I saw your face

My heart instantly dropped

I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face

A shock took over me

You looked so beautiful

Your hair fluttering in the wind

The fall leaves falling from the trees

Your cosmopolitan walk

I had to hide before you saw me

I couldn’t let you see me like this

Imperfect

But how I wish I could have walked in your direction

How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace

How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face

Ive searched for someone like you for so long

Would I ever meet someone like you again?

And then my mind wanders to a dark place

As I gaze out into the midnight sky

I pray to God our paths will cross again

When the time is right

 

Longing…

Its been so long

Yet I still think of you

Ive been digging in graveyards

Ive been searching all over

For You

I am a hopeless romantic

Yet I never let you see that side of me

I fear losing you forever

But I used to fear you the most

Only to realize now that you’re gone

You were the one I should have held close

I’m dying to see you again

Dying to touch you again

I’m dying to hold you

Dying for you to hold me

I’ve never longed for a man like this before

I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…

With a drink in hand

 

Goodbye…

I remember the last time I had to be this strong…

Strong enough to cut someone out my life

Someone I fell so deeply in love

Yet again I was blinded by love

I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore

I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul

I won’t put up with being hurt physically

I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be

It all starts with not looking back

I will never trust someone again like I once did

There are things I will never share…

I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘

I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family

And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down

I know I’ve had my part in this as well

At least I had a glimpse of what love can be

Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws

I had dreams..dreams of bearing children

Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms

I had dreams of building an empire with you

Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart

To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you

To point where I constantly lived on edge

Feeling so vulnerable…so violated

I can’t let anyone touch me anymore

I don’t want anyone near me anymore

I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction

I live in fear

I live in anxiety

Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long

I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors

I walked away because I constantly feared you

How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved

And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well

I wish you happiness, success, and so much more

 

 

 

 

 

Love

What an interesting concept?

How two creatures could feel such a longing for one another

To feel the warmth of another’s body

To gaze into the depths of another’s soul

Whispering sweet nothings

Immersing oneself into the sweetest pleasures on Earth

Conquering her Heart

Entering her sacred temple

Their minds go blank

Collapsing & gasping for air

Trying to hold on to this feeling forever

Sweet Embraces

 

 

 

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