I hid
I tried to fit myself into places I didnt belong
I starved myself, cut myself, tried to refigure & rearrange myself
I hid from places where I wanted to be
I hid from people I wanted in my life
All because
There was a little part of me
That felt like I wasn’t good enough to be there
That everyone is better than me
That Ill be rejected
Like how the people who were supposed to love me the most
Rejected me
I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…
They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world
….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck
I glanced over
And I saw your face
My heart instantly dropped
I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face
A shock took over me
You looked so beautiful
Your hair fluttering in the wind
The fall leaves falling from the trees
Your cosmopolitan walk
I had to hide before you saw me
I couldn’t let you see me like this
Imperfect
But how I wish I could have walked in your direction
How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace
How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face
Ive searched for someone like you for so long
Would I ever meet someone like you again?
And then my mind wanders to a dark place
As I gaze out into the midnight sky
I pray to God our paths will cross again
When the time is right
Its been so long
Yet I still think of you
Ive been digging in graveyards
Ive been searching all over
For You
I am a hopeless romantic
Yet I never let you see that side of me
I fear losing you forever
But I used to fear you the most
Only to realize now that you’re gone
You were the one I should have held close
I’m dying to see you again
Dying to touch you again
I’m dying to hold you
Dying for you to hold me
I’ve never longed for a man like this before
I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…
With a drink in hand
I remember the last time I had to be this strong…
Strong enough to cut someone out my life
Someone I fell so deeply in love
Yet again I was blinded by love
I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore
I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul
I won’t put up with being hurt physically
I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be
It all starts with not looking back
I will never trust someone again like I once did
There are things I will never share…
I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘
I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family
And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down
I know I’ve had my part in this as well
At least I had a glimpse of what love can be
Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws
I had dreams..dreams of bearing children
Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms
I had dreams of building an empire with you
Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart
To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you
To point where I constantly lived on edge
Feeling so vulnerable…so violated
I can’t let anyone touch me anymore
I don’t want anyone near me anymore
I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction
I live in fear
I live in anxiety
Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long
I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors
I walked away because I constantly feared you
How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved
And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well
I wish you happiness, success, and so much more
What an interesting concept?
How two creatures could feel such a longing for one another
To feel the warmth of another’s body
To gaze into the depths of another’s soul
Whispering sweet nothings
Immersing oneself into the sweetest pleasures on Earth
Conquering her Heart
Entering her sacred temple
Their minds go blank
Collapsing & gasping for air
Trying to hold on to this feeling forever
Sweet Embraces
Awakening of Ann 