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Awakening of Ann

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heartbreak

Suicide

Numb

Still can’t believe it

The man I thought I loved

The man I used to adore

The man I used to look up to

The man I used to respect

Pleaded for my death

The very man I let inside me

The man I worshipped

The man I cared for

So I pulled out the knife from the kitchen drawer

Proceeded to cut myself but I was hesitant

Then I slowly slid it across my wrist

I felt adrenaline at first

Then I felt the pain

Then I thought of my family

i immediately put the knife down

I didn’t bleed at first so i payed no attention

I happened to look down at my wrist later & I was in shock

Im thinking I certainly must wear long sleeves to the family dinner

I can’t let them see what I did to myself over a man

How can you say that to someone you claim you love

The minute i heard those words

It was over for me

Within a few hours I was already in the arms of another man

He’s called over a hundred times since

I understand people say things when they are angry

But that of all things?

i understand I made a silly mistake

My heart is so numb

I can’t even take anymore

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Walk On By…

I glanced over

And I saw your face

My heart instantly dropped

I couldn’t believe I was seeing your handsome face

A shock took over me

You looked so beautiful

Your hair fluttering in the wind

The fall leaves falling from the trees

Your cosmopolitan walk

I had to hide before you saw me

I couldn’t let you see me like this

Imperfect

But how I wish I could have walked in your direction

How sweet would it have been to feel your loving embrace

How sweet would it have been to hold your dear face

Ive searched for someone like you for so long

Would I ever meet someone like you again?

And then my mind wanders to a dark place

As I gaze out into the midnight sky

I pray to God our paths will cross again

When the time is right

 

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Longing…

Its been so long

Yet I still think of you

Ive been digging in graveyards

Ive been searching all over

For You

I am a hopeless romantic

Yet I never let you see that side of me

I fear losing you forever

But I used to fear you the most

Only to realize now that you’re gone

You were the one I should have held close

I’m dying to see you again

Dying to touch you again

I’m dying to hold you

Dying for you to hold me

I’ve never longed for a man like this before

I’ll be laying in bed alone tonight…

With a drink in hand

 

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Goodbye…

I remember the last time I had to be this strong…

Strong enough to cut someone out my life

Someone I fell so deeply in love

Yet again I was blinded by love

I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore

I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul

I won’t put up with being hurt physically

I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be

It all starts with not looking back

I will never trust someone again like I once did

There are things I will never share…

I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘

I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family

And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down

I know I’ve had my part in this as well

At least I had a glimpse of what love can be

Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws

I had dreams..dreams of bearing children

Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms

I had dreams of building an empire with you

Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart

To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you

To point where I constantly lived on edge

Feeling so vulnerable…so violated

I can’t let anyone touch me anymore

I don’t want anyone near me anymore

I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction

I live in fear

I live in anxiety

Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long

I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors

I walked away because I constantly feared you

How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved

And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well

I wish you happiness, success, and so much more

 

 

 

 

 

1

Deception

Her whole life was a lie

She never knew the truth

Lying in a pool of deception

Suffocating in a web she spun herself

Not knowing what was real anymore

Losing her mind

Herself

The ones she loved

Thinking she was protecting them

Thinking she was saving them grief

Thinking she was saving them aggravation

Heartbreak

The only person she was hurting was herself

But that was the only way she knew how to survive

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Thought I Forgot

Life goes on
That I know
Something that I believed in
But you creep into my thoughts
Trying to replace you
Erase you from my heart
Yet you linger
You come when I least expect it
As if I left the door open for you
If I could just kiss you one more time
I wonder what it would feel like
Would you give me those sparks again
Would you hold me tight
Not wanting to let go
I know I shouldn’t
Keep thinking what if
What if I let myself fall
Fall in love so madly & deeply beyond words
So deep I can’t find myself
Suffocating & drowning in your love
I wish I knew
I wish I didn’t run away
I don’t want to look back
I don’t want to live in the past
Yet you made me feel
I want to feel
I need you to rip my heart out
Just let it burn
Watch the flames engulf my soul, mind, & body
Trying to find you
Trying to find anyone like you
I’m willing to be blinded again
I’m willing to be broken
Just love me & run away with my heart

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Far away…

As I gaze upon the constellations in the midnight sky…

I think about my destination & I start to cry…

Because it all seems so far away…

And these dreams have ceased to fade away…

And all i can think about is a love lost long ago…

While laying here on the grass feeling this warm breeze blow…

Wishing upon a star…

Just one more time

❤

3

She’s Dangerous

She could break your heart
Like no one ever has before
Look into the depths of your soul
like she owns you
Walk on by
like she never met you
After making love endlessly
She can turn off her emotions
Like a switch
Make you question your very existence
Bring you on the verge of alcoholism
She hurts so bad
But shell never show it
To you she’s a cool cat
Too cool to fall in love
Little do you know
She’s begging for someone to conquer her
To melt her frostbitten heart
But she just cant seem to let you
Too scared to open the door
But to you
You think she just doesn’t care
And you’ll try to move on
Intoxicating yourself every night
Not knowing she hates herself
For not letting you see
The vulnerable baby she really is
Wishing she could go back in time
To appreciate your love all over again

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Thinking of You

The wind is blowing..

It’s whistling & howling

I can hear the crinkle of colorful leaves as I walk

I can hear your voice in the wind

I can almost smell your sweet perfume lingering somewhere in the air

Yet I can’t find you

It’s getting cold…

And I miss you

All I can think about is your sweet caresses

All I want is to kiss you again

It’s getting colder…

I need you here

Sweet Angel

Come back to me before winter comes…

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