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Awakening of Ann

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Bottled Up

After all these years…

I still hate you

But in truth I hate myself for allowing you to do the things you did

There’s hate because your anger still lives inside me

Take your anger back

This is not my obligation to carry your pain

I wonder if I ever cross your mind

At this point I don’t care really

I could have hurt you so much more than I did

I had you in my hands and I could have ruined your life forever

But I am not you

I am not the monster that you are

Stop projecting your mirror image onto others

Be well dear for I have once made love to you

Anger

Didn’t scream
Didn’t fight
Didn’t yell
Didn’t destroy

Repressed
Suppressed
Stuffed down
Bottled Up

When Anger spoke

Anger Cried

And she said

“You kept me silent for so long”

“You never let me speak”

“You’ve neglected me for so long”

“You never let me be heard”

Wonder

I wonder where you are late at night
When I don’t hear from you, a simple Goodnight
I wonder if you’re with her
I wonder if you’re in bed with her…
Is she throwing herself at you?
Are you kissing her neck?
Smelling her hair…
Holding her close
Because I’m not there
I’m no where close
No where to be seen, no where to be heard
And in her eyes you forget about me
You dove so deep…
And you forgot about me…
Even though I’m still here
Crying for help in this pool of misery
I wish I could cry for help
Yet I want no pity from you
You’ll only chase her more
And in the morning I’ll smile
Pretending like I don’t know
Pretending like it’s all right
When in reality, nothing is, nothing is…

Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

Her Smile

I can see the sadness in your smile
He said
I can see it in your eyes
I knew from the first time I saw you again that something was missing
Something is Missing
Is it my love
Am I missing my love?
I bathe myself in sweet solitude
I prefer to be alone
Unbothered
Yet my heart yearns for more
More than just a connection
More than just another lover’s sweet lips
More than just another lustful encounter on a sweet summer night
The seasons are changing my dear
I’m waiting
To wake up in a different life
To wake up in a different person
To wake up in a different perspective
Shake me my dear
Shake me for I am sleeping in life
It’s all a dream
Bring me back to reality
For I have lost my sight
I have lost my vision for so much more
Yet You have so much more to go
He said
And she turned away
Let me dive into your world
Because I’d like to forget mine…

She looks in the mirror
Where is this sadness this man speaks of?

Darling….remember
This life is what you make of it

It is not what the world can give you
But what you can give to the world

Black Caramel

I want to lose sight of my fingers as I comb through your hair
Lose all sense of time when I look into your eyes
To lose my ego as Im baptized in your gracious love
Oh Dear..My Sweet Dark Caramel
Bathe me in your honey over and over again
Mesmerized by your skin glistening under moonlight
Let us vanish in the depths of the woods
Howl like we own the night
You are the caramel to my macchiato
I have relinquished all my power
Just to love you

Woman

I’m not your slave…
Yet there are moments when I want to be
I’m not your whore…
Yet there are moments when I want you to treat me as such
I’m not your sanctuary
Though I wish all I could offer you is peace
She struggles with her identity as a woman
I hate that I want you…
And now my dear…
I need you for reasons people can’t quite grasp
I write
When the hearts cries & when it sings in joy
Baby you got the world…
But at what price?
I want to get down on my knees
I want to serve you
How could I betray myself like that?
To let a man conquer me
To love you so much
I blessed you with my darkest abyss
I let you plant seeds
For I am mother…
One with the earth
We reap what we sow

Curse

This world
People are cruel
People are mean
People are sick
They’re all sick in the head one way or another
Why would I ever want to bring children in this world?
Selfish people want families
They want what they want
Not knowing how much pain they’re causing…
Then they raise monsters…
That are just like them
Mirror Images
And as much as we try to stop it from happening…
The monster still lies in your reflection
You are them
You carry the sickness of humanity
Show me one good pure soul
And I’ll rest my case
Its not who you are when things are good
But who you are when things get bad

Knowing…

What is it that you would like to know?
My life…
Who I am?
Because you know so little of me
You want to know more than just my name
But do you really?
You ask me what people have done to me
And you insist…
Do we really have to have this conversation now?
I’ve been used against my will
He had a thrust inside me without my permission
Is that what you want to hear?
That I’ve been beaten down to the floor
Humiliated to the point where you feel that you feel lower than dirt
Manipulated into doing very bad things…
This is my life
But I don’t talk about it
I don’t cry for me…I cry for her…the soul of that young girl who died
I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining
Because Id rather have this misfortune than the ones others have
My childhood you say…
Imagine a bird in a cage…
You tricked me
You didn’t want to know all that did you?
Well now you do
And now you wish that you never asked.

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