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Awakening of Ann

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beauty

Bottled Up

After all these years…

I still hate you

But in truth I hate myself for allowing you to do the things you did

There’s hate because your anger still lives inside me

Take your anger back

This is not my obligation to carry your pain

I wonder if I ever cross your mind

At this point I don’t care really

I could have hurt you so much more than I did

I had you in my hands and I could have ruined your life forever

But I am not you

I am not the monster that you are

Stop projecting your mirror image onto others

Be well dear for I have once made love to you

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Monsters

They lie next to you
In Bed
They lie to you
They are the lie
Sometimes they snore
Sometimes they don’t
They sit next to you in church
They give to charities
Good deeds that never come from the heart
Master Manipulators
You would never know
They stand among us disguised as good samaratins
They leave hidden paths of destruction and chaos
They are to be understood
Not to be hated
For hate wears heavy on the heart
If anything there is pity
For they are prisoners of their own sickness
Broken mirrors they are
What you see is not an accurate reflection
They like to play
For what are games to them
Are nightmare for us
Beware
Of the monsters that live among us
True evil exists in this world

….
Please Read People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M Scott Peck

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Silly Little Doll Faces

A painful existence
Brushing her hair
Fixing her Makeup
Home all alone
Home all day
A slave to her love

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Home

The man go on holiday
I am home
He always comes back
But actually I am the holiday
I am no man’s home
And it shall remain that way

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Beautiful

She was so beautiful I cried
My heart ached
The tear fell down my face
I longed to hold her
I yearned to grab her
To make her mine
To breathe her in
Take in her orgasmic essence
Get lost in her
I can feel her heart
It’s not just those beautiful curves
Or that sweet naughty smile
Or the way she bites her lip
It’s how clueless she is to how beautiful I find her
Its how much space she has in her heart
To love, nurture, and forgive all who have harmed her
To carry on with caution but no regrets
I love the way her hips sway underneath the moonlight
I love the way she gets lost in her head
I wonder what she thinks about
I know she’s of substance
God is she deep
If I dive
I know I’m gone forever
I’ll never come back for air
I love her so much I almost want to hurt her
I want to make her feel alive
I want to make her cry
I want to make her laugh
It’s like I woke up from this cloud I’ve been living in
Sometimes I just want to crawl in her
She can see through me
And it scares me
She has a way of capturing your heart in mysterious ways
She is so silent sometimes
Yet it’s so soothing
Will she run away if I get on my knees
She’s wild and roams free
I don’t want to tame her but I want her so bad
Butterflies
This uneasiness that I’ll never see her again
So I’ll just love her the way she wants me to love her
She’ll never be captured
She’ll never be owned
The butterfly dancing in the sky
Forever dancing
I’ve never seen a woman so wild
She’s beautiful
It hurts

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Restless Nights

How can I sleep?
When I know how much the world suffers
When I know that there are so many other broken souls who drown their voices & dreams with the rivers of their tears
How can I sleep?
When I sprawl my fingers out onto my bed beside me and I feel the emptiness
How can I sleep?
When I think about who you could be making love to now…
Who are you lying to now?
It’s as if I can feel the pain of the world along with it’s beauty
How can I sleep?
When I’ve gotten almost everything I ever wanted yet I am still unhappy
I still will never forget those tears & cries
I didn’t know where they were coming from at first
It just seemed like noise
Until I realized I was the one crying
That night it felt like my soul died

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Curse

This world
People are cruel
People are mean
People are sick
They’re all sick in the head one way or another
Why would I ever want to bring children in this world?
Selfish people want families
They want what they want
Not knowing how much pain they’re causing…
Then they raise monsters…
That are just like them
Mirror Images
And as much as we try to stop it from happening…
The monster still lies in your reflection
You are them
You carry the sickness of humanity
Show me one good pure soul
And I’ll rest my case
Its not who you are when things are good
But who you are when things get bad

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Ceilings..

I can’t count how many times I’ve stared at ceilings

My eyes welling up with tears

As the beast enjoyed his grand midnight feast

A tear rolls down my cheek

The beast so engrossed he could not notice

How I would kill to be making love

This feels so mechanical & meaningless

I remember how I got here

I was running away from the thorns of love

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Goodbye…

I remember the last time I had to be this strong…

Strong enough to cut someone out my life

Someone I fell so deeply in love

Yet again I was blinded by love

I will not stand for toxic relationships anymore

I wont put up with all hurtful words that burn my soul

I won’t put up with being hurt physically

I will dedicate myself to being the strongest woman I can be

It all starts with not looking back

I will never trust someone again like I once did

There are things I will never share…

I must say that I’ve never been so emotionally hurt in my life ‘

I’ve never had someone tear me apart like so , my dreams, my home, my family

And as I lay on the floor, as the tears roll down

I know I’ve had my part in this as well

At least I had a glimpse of what love can be

Being so lost in someone that you forget about all their flaws

I had dreams..dreams of bearing children

Dreams of tending to our seeds & welcoming you home into my arms

I had dreams of building an empire with you

Yet you slashed through and destroyed them with the darkness in your heart

To the point where I no longer felt comfortable around you

To point where I constantly lived on edge

Feeling so vulnerable…so violated

I can’t let anyone touch me anymore

I don’t want anyone near me anymore

I don’t even want anyone to glance in my direction

I live in fear

I live in anxiety

Something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

Intimacy has been taken from me…something I yearned for so long

I never walked away for being too busy…I walked away because I saw your true colors

I walked away because I constantly feared you

How could I live the rest of my life fearing someone I loved

And regardless of all the hurt in which you brought…I still wish you well

I wish you happiness, success, and so much more

 

 

 

 

 

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